… when a dream becomes a reality it’s an amazing thing… right?

at least it should be ….

Right now something I’ve been dreaming of (for seemingly my whole life…. well, at least as long as I can remember) has a real strong possibility of becoming reality and honestly, I’m not sure if it’s really what I want anymore.

It’s hard to admit, and I’m not sure if it’s true or not… but honestly it feels quite suffocating, also extremely confusing.

When I was young I simply dreamed about living in New York City when I “grew up”, it was everything I wanted. I could picture myself so vividly living there. What my life would be like, how happy I would be. I pictured my daily life, I didn’t know what career path I would choose, what would be happening in my personal life, but the one thing that I was always sure of in my daydreams about my “adult” life was the fact that I would be living in NYC.

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Midtown NYC, summer 2014

Now as I’m preparing my return to the states I’m thinking about what comes next, where I will go next…. the most logical/ the best option seems to be living in NYC (especially as it is basically right where I already live with my mom). And while it excites me, and seems as if it could be a great place to live…. there is just something holding me back. Really, I can not understand why. This place is home to me, I spent 3 summers working in New York City,  countless days, hours, huge portions of my life wandering the city. I know it like the back of my hand. I know my favorite restaurants, my favorite bars, my favorite places to hang out.

So I simply can not understand what it is that’s holding me back…

Is it the familiarity of it…am I craving more adventure? Or am I just scared to take this next step in my life, scared of the idea of possibly “settling down” ….. not quite ready yet… I’m not sure what is the cause of this hesistation.

5 years ago, hell even 2 years ago if you asked me what my future plans were… 100% “I’m going to live in New York” would have been included in that answer… and now it’s more of “Well maybe I want to live in New York” there’s a slight hesitation. I don’t know if this experience of living abroad has changed me (well I mean I know it has, but here I’m just simply referring to this topic)… or maybe it’s associated with the fact that New York is home, and living in NYC would mean living 30 minutes away from home, and not 8 hours by plane (as I do now)

Who knows what is right and what is wrong.. it’s something I have to process and think about, this next step is not an easy decision, but it’s one that I have to make…soon…

13 thoughts on “when a dream becomes reality”

  1. I feel like that’s actually pretty common…. to have held an enormous dream for your whole life, and then you’re right on the edge of making it come true, and it freaks you out! What if it doesn’t live up to your expectations? I think that’s one of the biggest reasons…. but I look forward to seeing where the next adventure takes you 🙂

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  2. You are not alone in your sentiments! Maybe try looking at it from a different perspective. You aren’t moving “home” and settling down, but returning to one of your favorite cities to explore more, in depth! When I come home from my trips I always try to do something new in my city. That’s helped the wanderlust quite a bit 🙂

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  3. Beautifully written and I can definitely relate to it. I guess it is mostly related to fear, because you know how close you are to reaching this dream of yours. You mentioned something about being ready, I feel like you are, this opportunity wouldn’t have presented itself unless it didn’t think you were ready. You might feel like you aren’t, but sometimes you just have to take that giant leap of faith. It might reach your expectations or you might be a little disappointed, but the fact that you have achieved your dream is something so beautiful and so inspiring already. Inspiring to yourself as well as to others around you. Jump in, and who knows where this river might lead you to. xx

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    1. Thank you for your wonderful words….it makes me feel like I’m not alone in this struggle… I think you are right, it definitely relates to fear, i think the fear of uncertainty. But sometimes that is the most exciting part. I will jump in and see what happens… who knows where the river will take me… but atleast it’s taking me somewhere xxx

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  4. Surely there is some specific goal that informs or drives your decision? You didn’t go to Barcelona for the hell of it? You decided on a degree and a masters as a goal then went to the place that helped you achieve it. My daughter decided to build her career with GE and lives in Cheltenham UK as her base for working in New York, Upsaala, Singapore, Florence, Munich and Brussels. Like yourself she did a masters in international management before choosing her career. Where she chose to live was related but secondary. So, what’s your primary goal?

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  5. You’ll sort it out! No doubt a whole host of reasons causing the hesitation. I’ll add some things to consider while you’re working it out. Your experience abroad may make you look at NYC completely differently this time around. Might see things you hadn’t seen before. Well, you’ll definitely see things you hadn’t seen before. You know what I mean. It also needn’t be a permanent move. The adventure’s not ending. Good luck!

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