doubt.

     I’ve started planning my move to Colombia. I am so so excited, and I really can’t wait to be there (and also to be back with my boyfriend).

     But lately I’ve been wrestling with some doubts, fears and concerns. I know its ok, in fact its normal to be worried about this move. But I’m also sitting on these fears, they’re feelings I’m not quite sure I feel comfortable sharing with the people in my life, or even admitting them to myself. While they do support me in my decision to move to Colombia, I worry that by sharing these concerns in turn they will in fact say or think something along the lines of, well then if you don’t feel comfortable why or you going. Or feeling some level of judgement of me for going although I have these doubts. Also I feel (in the tiny crazy back part of my mind) that if I actually admit these doubts out loud that makes them real…. and I don’t want them to real. I don’t really want to have any doubts, but I do..




     The decision to move to Colombia was by no means an easy one, or a decision made lightly, but it was a decision that I made. I know in my heart that it is the right thing for me to be doing, I am certain that this is the step that I should be taking right now.

     And as certain that I am… I’m frightened. I’m afraid. I’m uncertain. But most importantly above all I’m hopeful.

     I know it’s a great opportunity, I’ll learn a lot, I’ll grow a lot as a person, I’ll be able to better my relationship. The reality is, the majority of the reason I’m doing this is that this is the only way to really make this relationship work. This is the only way to give my relationship a chance to survive (and boy do I want this to work). It’s an actual way to give it a shot and not live with that regret of “what if” for the rest of my life.

     However, the thing is I am afraid of the unknown, I am afraid of the uncertainty that awaits me. It is a country I’ve never visited. And I really don’t know what to expect. I can do the research, I can read people’s blog posts, I can watch videos, I can think it over for hours…(which I have been doing)…  but the reality is I will not know until I am there. I will not know until I step off that plane and see what kind of life is awaiting me there.

     One of the things that frightens me the most is that I’m worried I wont love it the way that I loved Barcelona. My experiences in Barcelona were perfect, well maybe not perfect… many ups, downs and in-betweens… but they were great. It was a great experience living abroad, and I feel that I was almost spoiled by that experience. I’m worried that Colombia won’t be everything I expect it to be, I’m worried that I will be constantly comparing it to Barcelona. And while I keep trying to tell myself that these two experiences are completely different, and I need to keep them separate… I’m just struggling with it.

     But I know that this time, as I embark on my next adventure living abroad, I am a completely different person. I have changed and grown in insurmountable ways. The girl I was and the girl I am now are entirely different people. And that by no means is a bad thing, in fact for me it was the best thing that could have happened.

     So here’s to trying to calm these moments of self doubt, here’s to this new adventure, and here’s to positive thoughts, because good things are on the horizon.

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15 thoughts on “doubt.

  1. If you didn’t have doubt it would be strange and you wont love it like Barcelona because its not Barcelona, you will love it in different ways. There is some saying about how doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. Trust yourself, it will be brilliant.

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  2. While this may be a somewhat extreme comparison, whenever my daughter had a bad dream, I told her to tell me about it, because once you give voice to your fears, I believe they lose much of their power. You just did that in this post, and brava to you for it! I totally understand your fears of the unknown and the comparison, but trust your heart and instincts. Columbia will be different but perfect in its own ways.

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  3. I really understand this. The weeks and days leading up to my departure, I was so full of doubts and so terrified. I really thought of quitting before I even left. But the what if question has to be answered somehow. Maybe it turns out great. Maybe it doesn’t. Whatever happens it will either be a great thing to experience or something to learn from and making mistakes isn’t bad. It’s better than not trying. Also one thing that helped me was remembering that I can always go back home. I’m not sure if that is a concern, but if it is you can remember that you can always leave. You don’t have to stay there forever. Anyway good luck and happy travels!

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  4. The only times I have done big things in my life with no doubts are the times I ignored reality. Some of those are ugly or scary stories. I always recommend having a realistic Plan B, and maybe Plan C. From my personal viewpoint, what bothers me is this: “This is the only way to give my relationship a chance to survive.” If you spend your time in Columbia in post-breakup grief while scrambling to change plans, you will probably have a rough time. Other than that, I wouldn’t worry too much about loving the place. Probably you will love it. Has travel let you down before? You will learn and grow even if you don’t love it. Also, as you pointed out, you are sure to have some unpleasant times along with the beautiful ones. That’s ok, as long as you keep your balance.

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  5. YES YES YES! Positive thoughts all the way! I agree with you, Barcelona is an great place! I do think however, that you need to move on to Colombia with an open mind, be ready fir the new adventure and new experiences. It’s not going to be exactly the same as Barcelona, but if you go already thinking that then you are automatically starting off negatively. I think you will have an amazing time and I really can’t wait to read all about it!
    Good luck and bloody enjoy it!

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  6. This really sums up many thoughts I have had myself! I have spent half a year living near Barcelona and the next step is Colombia, and it feels like a so much bigger step somehow. I love your positive attitude, though! I’m sure it will all work out for you, and good luck on your adventure 🙂

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  7. I’m off to Colombia in January to begin a journey throughout South America! New adventures can always be a little bit frightening but they are always worth it. I wish you all the best on your move!

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  8. Congratulations on your move!! how exciting!! I am very happy for you…. great you could push past those fears and doubts and just do it!!! I love travelling and it’s always an adventure and I think there are always moments of one being unsure, but there are so many moments of awesomeness!!!!! I like how you said, but if I don’t try and will never know…. what if. I am glad you are trying and going for it, what more is there to life, then plunging right in!
    Thank you for liking my post!! Have fun!! 🙂

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