the future freaks me out

I have no clue what I’m doing, I have no clue where I’m going.

While I know that I don’t need to have a definite 10 year life plan at the moment, I need to have some sort of clue, at least some semblance of an idea. I need to make some sort of plan. I think I need some sort of direction for my life. But every time I try and think about the future I get this sense of impending doom, and I just find myself hiding from dealing with it. Focusing on other things, feeling a crushing wave of anxiety at the second the idea of the future is mentioned. (not to mention the fact that it seems like at least 2x a day someone asks me about my plan….)

Currently I am doing a masters that ends in July, and after that I have absolutely 0 plan. So as of July 31st all that is, is nothingness. And that freaks me out. The options are endless, but also the options are endless

When I moved to Spain, I never thought about returning to the states, about leaving this wonderful place that has truly become home to me. I arrived here August 2014 and had no clue, no idea about the future. Simply I was just living in the moment, I was enjoying my time here and just having so much fun. And then here I am almost 2 years later, and now it’s time that I start to think about the idea of returning. The curiosity of what is awaiting me excites me so much, but also terrifies me.

image

view of barcelona from the mountains 

I don’t want to leave Europe, the life I live here is amazing, so much adventure, so many incredible experiences. However, I’m starting to get a little restless. Feeling as there’s a next chapter in my life to be started. I always new my return to the states was inevitable, I never planned on staying here forever.

Life is very uncertain, but one of life’s certainties is changed, so now that I am encountering a period of change why am I so shocked. Something has to end in order for something new, and possibly even better to begin. This something that is true and constant in all of life so why am I so hesitant to face it now?

As much as I love being here, a part of me knows it’s time to take the next step in my life…. whatever that may be.

The future freaks me out. In a good way and a bad way. Who knows exactly what comes next, but I know that after this experience I am ready for whatever the future holds. I also know that return to America does not necessarily mean my time abroad is finished.

The most important thing is that now I need to live in the moment. Enjoy every second I spend here in Barcelona, seek every adventure I possibly can, live in the moment, and just be happy. The future may be uncertain, but I have to focus on the now.

 

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make NOW the primary focus of your life. – The Power of Now

10 thoughts on “the future freaks me out

    1. It’s hard, in the world we live in to be truly in the moment and not over analyze, over think, and over plan everything… but the best we can do is try and be more here in the present, as you said. i’m looking forward to following more of your journeys xx

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I can totally relate! No idea where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing one year from now, and I don’t like planning ahead, but I believe that everything will fall into place if I keep a positive attitude and follow my instincts! Thanks for the follow! 🙂 xx Nat

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Sam, thanks for passing by my blog. Just wanted to say that it’s OK to be afraid: my Dad used to say that nothing is worth doing unless you’re a little bit afraid, that is what makes you stronger. Safe travels.

    Like

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