loss and learning

Today I’ve been spending a lot more time than usual reflecting on life…. 

I feel as if all my recent blog posts have been about all the crazy things spinning round and round in circles in my head. But sometimes that’s part of living abroad, just because you’re living in a different country, in a different place doesn’t mean your life stops.

As I’ve mentioned before briefly, about two and a half years ago a close friend of mine died, and as today would have been her birthday I’ve been thinking about her a lot. (Live for now ). I’m thinking about the friendship we had, the memories we shared and how lucky I am to have gotten to meet her. I’m thinking about the things she taught me both in her life and in her death.
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I know that I will never forget her, and always I will carry her with me.

I truly know she’s the inspiration behind my move abroad. Her death changed me. But it also pushed me to follow my dreams, to seek adventure, to seek happiness and to move here to Spain. It inspired me to just go and do, to make the most of my life because truly life is too short not to. 

 

The thing is, my friend, she committed suicide. She was struggling so much with the life she was living for her death seemed better than life. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my entire life, and for me this was in a way a wake up call. I wanted more from my life, I didn’t want to just pass through life… I wanted to live my life. I wanted to enjoy every second of my life.

I wanted to go new places, meet new people, live my life.

And so that’s exactly what I’m doing, living my life.. exploring, enjoying, pushing the boundaries, going outside of my comfort zone. All because of her. I will always keep her with me, always keep the memories we’ve shared, and always be grateful to her for inspiring me to do this. to be here.

 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “loss and learning

  1. Great post. I also struggle with depression and anxiety and I also know a few people who have done the same as your friend. It also makes me want to enjoy life to the fullest and get outside my comfort zone. I am sorry for your loss.
    I will be in Spain from Sunday to next Saturday actually.

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  2. I would like to re-blog this in honor of your friendship and in memory of your friend.

    Today is the 6th anniversary of the death of my dear friend, Frances Irene Nuite Lofton. She was an 82-year old saint. She was a poet, mother, grand-mother, and faith warrior. She had been my mother’s best friend and became my dearest friend. She prayed for me and my children every morning at 7:30 am.

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  3. Reblogged this on The View from 5022 and commented:
    I re-blogging this in honor of the author’s friendship and in memory of the author’s friend.

    Today is also the 6th anniversary of the death of my dear friend, Frances Irene Nuite Lofton. She was an 82-year old saint. She was a poet, mother, grand-mother, and faith warrior. She had been my mother’s best friend and became my dearest friend. She prayed for me and my children every morning at 7:30 am.

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  4. I’ve struggle with depression, anxiety, depresive tendencies, the last 15years. Some periods better than others. And even though the anxiety is still with me, at least I AM DOING SOMETHING. It’s like it will come, but then let it come when I’m experience life at least! So I fully understand your thoughts!

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss, I give you my most sincere condolences. I’m happy that you were able to draw something positive from the negative, though. This is a wonderful post.

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    1. yes, I try and carry her with me.. and I hold dear to my heart the fact that she was the inspiration behind me being where I am. Without her passing I don’t know if I would have had the courage to take some of the chances I’ve taken in my life.
      Thank you for checking out my page
      xxx

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