The life we live is so short and we should truly try and make every moment count.
While I have done that in the past, I feel like I have been doing an absolutely terrible job lately ….
My time home so far has been extremely difficult for me. Adjusting has not been easy for me . Between the difficulty of being apart from my boyfriend, plus re-acclimating to my life in the US (living home again), and truly missing Spain which has become my home, it’s just been really rough for me.
I know that I should be making the most of all this free time that I have right now (especially since I’m moving again in a few months). I should be productive and be getting things done. BUT I am finding all the days blending together, passing one to the next without really accomplishing much of anything…
I really feel like I am wasting my time at home. I am not making every moment count. And I’m not happy with myself, or proud of myself.
I hope something changes, but I know that the only way to change it is for me to make it happen. But I need to pull myself out of this “slump” in order for me to actually be doing something with my life.
But sometimes I feel like I’m watching my life from the outside, the minutes, hours, days, weeks all blending together and passing me by with nothing really happening. Wanting to do something about it… but feeling as if there’s nothing I can do (when the reality is I’m the only one who can actually do something about it). The most frustrating part about this whole thing is I honestly have absolutely no clue as to what is causing these feeling in me, and without having some understanding of the cause I don’t know how to fix it and how to pull myself out of this situation.
I guess it could be the difficulty of adjusting.
Living Abroad is an amazing thing, it changes you, but coming back from this amazing and life changing experience is the rough part. You’re thrown back into the life that you had but the difference is now you’ve become this completely different person. Sometimes so much so that the life you’re returning to feels like it belongs to someone else, that it’s not your life anymore.
**sorry if this is a little sporadic, really it’s just the rambling & mess of thoughts from inside my head that I wanted to share