neither here nor there

In a way lately I feel somewhat trapped between two lives. Both here and there, yet not really totally in one place at all.

Trapped between the life that I had back in Barcelona, and this life that I came home to here in New York.

 

It’s no secret that adjusting to life back home after living abroad is rough… I never expected it to be easy.

 

But here’s the thing, I came home and stepped right back into this life I lived … years ago … and it’s just not the same. I’m not the same and the people aren’t the same either. I feel somewhat out of place, as if I’ve missed things and I’ll never quite fully understand.

I get together with some friends, who at one point were some of my closest friends. And now I feel so disjointed … as if I’m the only one who doesn’t know some big secret (which actually kind of is the case because I don’t know 100% of what went on when I was away… partially my fault). I feel as if I’m only half here, because the other half is where my life is … where my life should be… in Barcelona.

And then on the other hand there’s my life back in Barcelona.

I feel as if I have left so much behind. I had a life there, a life that made me happy, a wonderful group of friends and it just worked. It was normal, it felt right, everything fit into place… and then I left it all behind.

I knew it was time for me to go, time for me to move on… and now I have a new adventure to look forward to. It’s just now in this weird limbo stage, I feel somewhat trapped between my life here that I’ve come home to, and my life there that I’ve left behind.

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10 thoughts on “neither here nor there

    1. well basically i left because i finished my masters & my visa expired… it was too difficult to stay there. I mean, I’m moving to Colombia in about a month and a half (so part of me feels like a total brat for complaining, because I have a totally awesome new adventure on deck) … but the reality is I left a life behind, and it sucks. But that’s part of living abroad. It’ll always be a place I have an opportunity to visit, but unfortunately circumstances don’t allow me to live there at the moment.

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  1. This post is perfect, I know exactly how you feel!

    I moved away from the UK to start my new life in Australia. As much as I love my new life, I really miss my friends, family and my old life that I had always known and I still get those twinges of homesickness now and again. However, I did visit home for the first time this year, and I felt like a completely different person, I felt disconnected from some people and places that I’d always loved. It is asthough you’re constantly craving a home from somewhere, however it does not seem to exist anymore..

    Such a relatable post that I really enjoyed reading!

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    1. Thank you Jamie!
      Living abroad is the most amazing thing, but it’s hard… because it’s almost like you have two simultaneous lives. You feel neither here nor there. But at the end of the day, there’s nothing about it you would change because there’s no better thing than getting to live in a new country!

      Good luck with your time in Australia and I can’t wait to read more about your adventure !

      Xxx
      Sam

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  2. I’ve recently moved here to Barcelona, and I’m going through the adjustment phase of getting used to hear. I guess this will be my reality at some point in the future too. Try and the find the joy in every moment and hello? Colombia!!! It’s going to be so beautiful and amazing. It’s definitely high on my list of places to go. 🙂 get it girl!

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  3. Returning home after 7 months was so hard- I can’t imagine what it would be like after years abroad! Thanks for being honest and sharing your experience. Best of luck with whatever comes next.

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  4. Hi, I understand you perfectly, I was in your same situation some years ago.
    When you live abroad, and you go back home you realize the life has continued for everybody but for you, the time is stopped just were you left it. The people and friends they talk about things you don´t understand just because you missed it. You feel you belong at two different places, and the pleople talk about things that you don´t care anymore, in my case it took a while to recover.. and since then I always feel that I don´t belong to my place anymore and I will always be divided.
    Even though to live abroad is the best thing I did ever, so I would do it again… So definetely what you need is time…I am from Barcelona and I lived in London, city that I love and now I can speak english and I have learned a lot of things on my life because of that experience..so try to keep the goods things, and what you have done will be in your memories forever..if you have any questions let me know…

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