self doubt & uncertainty

self-doubt. that’s what i’ve been full of lately. self-doubt topped with some major uncertainty. Lately I’ve been wondering a lot… wondering if i’ve made the right decision with what I am doing for my next move… wondering if i’ve somehow made a huge mistake ….( My next big move (literally) )

 

I’m just not (entirely) sure anymore.

 

All of these feelings are coming as a result of me COMPLETELY over-thinking about my decision to move to Colombia.

I know deep in my heart that, yes, I am doing the right thing. But lately I’ve been full of a mountain of self-doubt, uncertainty and honestly I’m just not sure.

I can see a future here in America, I can envision my life if I was to stay here. I’m scared to go there, I have no clue what my life will be like… it’s just so uncertain.

And yes, I know that I’ve lived abroad before. But this move abroad is somehow entirely different than my move to Barcelona.

  • Barcelona I visited before moving to (for 5 days… but still better than nothing) on the other hand Colombia I have never ever been to… and my first time I go there… I’m moving there.
  • Barcelona I moved there with my best friend who was also American… Colombia I’m moving to, to live with my Colombian boyfriend (which don’t get me wrong I am excited for but i’ll be thrown in culturally)
  • In Barcelona I was teaching english & studying… it was a more relaxed way of life… Now in Colombia I will be entering the work force (without knowing culturally the work ethic and lifestyle)

 

 


While all these differences aren’t SUPER huge, they do scare me a little.. honestly, sometimes I wonder if I will be able to handle it all.

but amid all this self-doubt and going back and forth, somehow in my heart I am more sure than ever.

I mean, I never truly 100% doubted my decision, I guess it was more of a slight tentativeness (because… well duh). But that’s normal, maybe even to be expected, especially since I am basically leaving my whole life behind and just going for it.

 

This move to Colombia is a blind leap of faith, but it is one that I will willingly dive straight into.

 

I know this is exactly what I WANT to be doing, and what I SHOULD be doing…. I have no doubts about it.

 

(*** over the course of writing this post, I literally worked through my fear and now I feel better)

 

Also if you want a slight backstory into my move to Barcelona (To start things off… & Barcelona. kinda give some insights… beware they’re my first two posts so they’re a little rough around the edges)

 

pps…. major shout out to all the lovely people who keep up with me & read my blog… your comments, love and support *especially during my latest rough patch* have been entirely amazing and overwhelming (if you ever wanna reach out to me theconfessionsofawanderer@gmail.com)

 

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25 thoughts on “self doubt & uncertainty

    1. While I know realistically that would’ve been the “right” way to do it… i decided since I was going to live with my boyfriend, and it’s really our most realistic option… I’m just going for it, this was the best path to take for me right now. Only time will tell if this is the right decision or not, but I’m going all in.

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  1. Isn’t it funny how as we write things out we figure it all out? How many times have I started a journal entry with overwhelming fear and uncertainty only to find out that all I needed was to work out my thoughts onto paper. My ex boyfriend was actually Colombian and so I visited Colombia and met his family and it was a lovely experience. Bogota is pretty drab, so be aware that parts of Colombia will not hold that same magical quality of Barcelona, but there are so many beautiful parts to be explored. The exploration and even the struggle is part of the experience. The first time I came to Korea, I came to teach English, and the second time around, to study, work and mostly be with my Korean boyfriend.. Sometimes it’s lonely but I’m so grateful for the experience. Trust your gut and keep writing in those moments of doubt or uncertainty!

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  2. Moving abroad to work in a place without any understanding of cultural norms or work ethic concerns that may come up is terrifying. My husband and I are doing it right now in the DR (but we are teaching). We’ve been here 2 months and we are finally adjusted. It took a couple of weeks but it wasn’t the worst transition in the world. You have to remember you are also adaptable, you’ve done it before and while not the same exact thing, you have learned to be flexible, change, and observe. Plus you are going with you boyfriend you are going to have an awesome time! Good luck, I look forward to seeing what you do there!

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  3. Thanks for the reminder about overthinking. I do that, and it’s more trouble than most of the stuff the outside world throws at me.

    When I catch myself agonizing, I make a point of remembering that one of my goals is to avoid a boring life. If I succeed, the unexpected will surely happen. If I live that boring life, the unexpected will happen then, too. The specifics may differ, but what matters is my (proven) ability to adapt. Also, life has taught me to have a Plan B idea. Some idea of how I will begin my response if “it all goes haywire” helps me to be calm. Besides, I’ve had enough adventures for a few of them to have actually gone haywire. That’s life, and I have good stories to tell about those misadventures. On the other hand, “everything was just wonderful” is a great experience but a boring story. It’s a win-win situation for me.

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  4. Hi Sam – it is so good that you were able to turn your thoughts around and realise you have made the right decision. I hope you will no longer feel you need to use words like self-doubt and uncertainty . Immerse yourself in this wonderful opportunity and believe in yourself. I attended a wedding in Medellin recently and loved the kind people, the fantastic culture, the beautiful scenery and will endeavour to return to Colombia as soon as possible. Travel safely, take care – I am looking forward to reading about you living in Colombia.

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  5. Wow! It amazes me where a leap of faith will take you if you allow it. I hope that your new life will bless you in so many ways you could’ve never imagined. Doubt is a part of human nature, but you will kick its butt. Hang in there!

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    1. This is a huge leap of faith, but I’m embracing it with arms wide open…. and as uncertain as I was… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more certain! (this post really helped me work through it… also all the love & support I received in the comments!)

      xxx
      Sam

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  6. Gosh, I needed this. Self doubt and overthinking are friends I’ve had for a long while now and can’t seem to shake. It’s cheesy, but life is short so do what you love! If you want to do something totally crazy like moving to Columbia then do it. What’s stopping you? (minus the obvious overthinking and panicking that come with decision making)

    Can’t wait to follow you on your next crazy adventure. (doesn’t writing just help sort your feelings out ??)

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    1. I’ve also had self-doubt and overthinking seemingly following me everywhere, yet somehow we get through it. Because sometimes you realize, enough is enough you just need to go for it.. and that’s exactly what i’m doing!

      And yes it is crazy & wonderful… writing helps me work through all my crazy thoughts & fears no matter what, writing it out somehow always settles me down!

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