self-doubt. that’s what i’ve been full of lately. self-doubt topped with some major uncertainty. Lately I’ve been wondering a lot… wondering if i’ve made the right decision with what I am doing for my next move… wondering if i’ve somehow made a huge mistake ….( My next big move (literally) )
I’m just not (entirely) sure anymore.
All of these feelings are coming as a result of me COMPLETELY over-thinking about my decision to move to Colombia.
I know deep in my heart that, yes, I am doing the right thing. But lately I’ve been full of a mountain of self-doubt, uncertainty and honestly I’m just not sure.
I can see a future here in America, I can envision my life if I was to stay here. I’m scared to go there, I have no clue what my life will be like… it’s just so uncertain.
And yes, I know that I’ve lived abroad before. But this move abroad is somehow entirely different than my move to Barcelona.
- Barcelona I visited before moving to (for 5 days… but still better than nothing) on the other hand Colombia I have never ever been to… and my first time I go there… I’m moving there.
- Barcelona I moved there with my best friend who was also American… Colombia I’m moving to, to live with my Colombian boyfriend (which don’t get me wrong I am excited for but i’ll be thrown in culturally)
- In Barcelona I was teaching english & studying… it was a more relaxed way of life… Now in Colombia I will be entering the work force (without knowing culturally the work ethic and lifestyle)
but amid all this self-doubt and going back and forth, somehow in my heart I am more sure than ever.
I mean, I never truly 100% doubted my decision, I guess it was more of a slight tentativeness (because… well duh). But that’s normal, maybe even to be expected, especially since I am basically leaving my whole life behind and just going for it.
This move to Colombia is a blind leap of faith, but it is one that I will willingly dive straight into.
I know this is exactly what I WANT to be doing, and what I SHOULD be doing…. I have no doubts about it.
(*** over the course of writing this post, I literally worked through my fear and now I feel better)
Also if you want a slight backstory into my move to Barcelona (To start things off… & Barcelona. kinda give some insights… beware they’re my first two posts so they’re a little rough around the edges)
pps…. major shout out to all the lovely people who keep up with me & read my blog… your comments, love and support *especially during my latest rough patch* have been entirely amazing and overwhelming (if you ever wanna reach out to me firstname.lastname@example.org)