October 24 2014

I found this journal entry from October 24, 2014 and just felt the need to share it ….

These past few days have been rough. Living in a big city it’s very easy to feel alone and lost. I am constantly surrounded by people yet I just feel so alone. It’s so hard being in a new city with both a language and a cultural barrier , it’s so hard to make new friends and meet people. It’s weird because being around people makes me feel more lonely. Seeing them all happy and together and having fun. Sure I have friends and know some people here. It’s just not how it’s been for most of my life. I’ve always had friends, people to talk to, to hang out with. But here I feel like that’s not the case. Which is a strange and unwelcome feeling. 

All this leads me to question my reasons for being here . And reasons for remaining here. It’s leading me to think that maybe I should return home and not stay the whole year. Yet I feel as if since I told everyone I was moving to Spain for a year I have to stay. I care too much how others perceive me. I shouldn’t let that affect my decision of whether or not to stay here. But right now it’s the only thing keeping me here. Maybe I need that though. Something to force me to stay here during this tough time until it gets better. I know I need to try and wait it out but right now I just feel so discouraged.  

      I’m so happy I stuck it out and found my place. Living in Spain was by far the best thing to happen to me. I wanted to share this journal entry because it shows one of the bad moments, and some of the struggles I encountered. But now looking back on that… I can’t even recall those bad moments, because the good outweighs it…. Above all I think about how I found myself in Spain, about how I grew, about all the things I learned, all the people I meant. While there were plenty of moments like this, the end result was 2 amazing years .

Basically this is a post for all you who may be struggling with something… just keep going.. you can do it! In the end it’ll be worth it… it sure was for me.


11 thoughts on “October 24 2014

  1. Thank you for sharing this posts. I think many people can relate to it. I know I can. I’m feeling pretty much those exact same feelings. In fact, during my first few weeks I only stayed because of my pride and I didn’t want people to know me as a quitter when I hadn’t really tried yet. It’s only been a month and while I’m glad I made it through the first two weeks, I still get down pretty often and feel some regret about my decision. I’m hopeful though. And curious to see how the year goes.
    Anyway thanks again for sharing. Pictures make living abroad seem so easy and fun all the time. It’s good to be open and show that there are struggles too.


  2. I just started my second year teaching English in Madrid, and experienced similar emotions this month. Going home was so tempting for about 3 weeks. I am glad to read the end result of your time here, and feel encouraged by your post. Living abroad is an amazing experience, yet…But perhaps people that have never done it will have a hard time understanding this side of things. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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