I hate the feeling of regret, I try and live my life with as little regret as possible. I like to believe that the decisions I have made throughout my life have been the right ones. I mean… they have brought me to the place I am now.. so clearly I’m doing something right.
But the thing is… sometimes the feeling of regret just happens, it comes out of nowhere when it shouldn’t.
should’ve, could’ve, would’ve….
regrets & mistakes they’re memories made – Adele
Now here’s the thing, when I feel this simmering of regret below the surface that I’ve recently been feeling it makes me feel really… guilty almost, spoiled in a way. The regret I’m feeling is based on the fact that I’m soon leaving Barcelona, Spain, Europe and I feel itchy in a way, almost as if I didn’t do enough… Really my regret is that I didn’t do more.
And here’s the thing, while yes I could have done more, but the reality is I am lucky enough to have gotten the chance, the opportunity to live in Europe for 2 years. I have absolutely nothing to be complaining about, I am so lucky to have gotten this opportunity to live here, I was able to do so much more than I ever thought possible. At the end of the day I did alot, nothing to regret… and yet….
The reason I’ve been feeling all this regret, like I’m leaving so much undone *i think* is because I’m struggling with the idea of letting go, the idea of leaving Europe. I feel like once I leave this place, the opportunity to travel, to explore will be lost in a way… and I’m not quite ready to let go. ( the future freaks me out )
These feelings of regret are totally an internal struggle, a battle between what I’ve done and what I could’ve done… but at the end of the day when I look back, I really am happy with the path that I chose.